Stop Buying That Shit!

It takes less than 10 minutes to make a version of apple cinnamon oatmeal from scratch.  It tastes better, it's better for you and it sure as shit looks a lot better than that sad little brown packet of instant oats and dried up apple bits.  I mean really...does this guy look like he ever had an INSTANT version of anything in mind when he started his empire?  I highly doubt it.  His hair alone obviously takes hours.

OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Cinnamon Apple Pecan Oatmeal
makes 2 servings
total time 10 min

3/4 c milk (rice, soy, cow, almond whatever)
1/4 c quick cook STEEL CUT oats - not the rolled kind you're used to.
-----------------------
1/2 T butter (or coconut oil for the vegans)

1 apple cut into 1/2" cubes

1/2 t cinnamon

1 t maple syrup 

1 handful chopped pecans

Bring the milk to a simmer and add oats.  Cover and stir occasionally 8-9 min.

While the oats are cooking, heat the butter in a small skillet.  Add apples, cinnamon and syrup.  Let the mixture simmer until the oats are done.  Add the pecans just before serving so they don't burn.   You are amazing.

Sass-squash

The sweetness of this butternut squash soup is balanced by a kick of cayenne pepper and ginger.  It's kind of the Sookie Stackhouse of soup.


OK, let's do this:

Spicy Butternut Squash Soup
Makes 8-10 servings
Hands on time 20 minutes, cook time 45 minutes

1/4 t cayenne pepper
1/4 t ground cinnamon
1/4 t garam masala
1 T dried thyme
1 T dried sage
1/4 c olive oil


1 medium butternut squash
2 medium shallots diced
2 stalks celery, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 apple, cored and chopped
1 pear, cored and copped
1 1/2 inch ginger, peeled, minced
4-6 cups of veggie broth
Juice from 1/2 an orange
Salt, to taste
2 T maple syrup
1/4 cup heavy cream (optional)

Preheat the oven to 425ºF

Combine the spices and olive oil in a bowl.

Carefully peel the butternut squash.  Hold it firmly and slice off the ends so you have a flat edge.  Place a flat edge down and carefully slice the squash lengthwise.  Use a spoon to scoop the seeds and stringy pulp out and discard it.  That was the hardest part of this whole recipe.  Go have a drink.  You've earned it.

Chop the squash into 1 inch-ish chunks.  It's best to keep the pieces about the same size so they roast in the same amount of time.

Toss the squash chunks in half of the oil/spice blend, then spread the pieces on baking sheets lined with parchment paper.  Roast at 425ºF until pieces are tender - about 35 minutes.

While the squash is roasting, heat the remaining spice-oil in a large stock pot.  Add the shallots and brown them.  Add the carrots and celery and sauté them for 3 minutes or so.  Add the apple, pear and ginger and sauté for another 5 minutes, stirring once in a while.

Add the broth, cover and reduce the heat.  Allow to simmer until carrots are soft, then turn off the heat and stir in the roasted squash chunks.  Transfer the chunky soup to a food processor in small batches and process until smooth.

Add the orange juice, maple syrup and cream (if using) and adjust seasoning.

Wanna make it FANCY?!

Try this:

Slice off a few rings of shallots or grab a couple fresh sage leaves.  Toss them in some flour and fry them in just enough hot oil that they float a little.  They'll get nice and crispy plus they'll look really cool, and so will you.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Poached Pears

It's a frigid 73ºF here in Los Angeles.  What better way to get all warm 'n' cozy than with cinnamon and red wine poached pears stuffed with vanilla mascarpone and candied walnuts?

"But Lanie J, I can't make that!  IT'S TOO FANCY!"

Bullshit.  I've got your back.
 

OK, let's do this:

Fancy Pants Cinnamon Poached Pears
Makes 8 servings
Prep time 5 min, cook time 30-40 min


For the pears:
4 firm pears - we're talking apple firm, people
1 bottle cheap red wine, new, not nasty almost vinegar wine (we'll use that for other stuff)
water
1 T ground cinnamon
1 t vanilla extract (splurge on the good kind)

For the filling:
8oz container of mascarpone cheese (available everywhere, even at Trader Joe's)
1 t vanilla extract
2 t agave nectar or maple syrup


For the topping
2 handfuls chopped walnuts
1 1/2 T sugar, agave nectar or maple syrup
1/2 t cinnamon



Peel the pears, but leave a little skin near the stems and butts.  Place them in a pot that holds all 4 without too much extra room.

Pour in the wine a little more than halfway.  Add water until the pot is almost full, but not so full it's going to boil over and make your stove a mess.  I believe in saving wine stains for your teeth.

Cover and bring to a boil, then remove cover and reduce to a strong simmer.  Allow to simmer for 30-40 minutes or until a fork can be easily inserted (but not so they're mushy).  If the pears float in the pot, you'll need to rotate them occasionally with a spoon.

Meanwhile, combine filling ingredients and set in the fridge until needed.

In a pan over medium heat add the topping ingredients all at once.  Stir continuously until walnuts are just toasted and coated with sugar about 2 minutes.  Remove them from the heat and set aside.

Once pears are done, cut them in half LENGTHWISE and place in the freezer for 10 minutes.
While the pears are cooling, dump out all but an inch of the poaching liquid and bring it back to a boil.  Allow it to simmer until it's reduced by at least half.  It will be syrupy.  That's good.

Once the pears are cool, use a spoon to scoop out the seeds and any chewy-looking internal stem thingies. Place tiny blob of the filling on a plate and set the pear on the blob.  This will keep the pear from sliding all over and ruining the look.

Next scoop a bigger blob of filling into the space you just scooped out of the pear. Sprinkle the candied walnuts on top.  Now for the fanciness.  Get a small spoonful of the syrup you made be reducing the wine.  Hold the spoon vertically so most of the syrup runs off back into the pot - you just want a tiny stream coming off the spoon.  Wave the spoon over the pear, drizzling the syrup like the artful master chef you are.