A Massage with a Happy Ending You Can Be Proud Of

I've figured out what's wrong with the world:

Iceberg lettuce gets a bin at the salad bar while the super food kale is used as decoration.  It's backwards and sad just like the fact that Teresa from Real Housewives of NJ has, like, 17 horrible children and Bethenny only has 1.  Bethenny is so much better, and so is kale.

Kale packs more of a nutritional punch when it's raw, but trying to eat it just like lettuce is torture.  It's a bit much.  You've got to massage it a bit.

OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Massaged Kale Salad
makes 6 servings
total time 10 min


1 bunch kale, rinsed and patted dry with paper towels, stems removed
1 can chickpeas, rinsed
1 can red kidney beans, rinsed
1 can white kidney beans, rinsed
juice of 1 lemon
1 T red wine vinegar
1 T olive oil
12 black olives, pitted, chopped
1 handful oregano, chopped

After you've washed and dried the kale, tear it into really little pieces with you hands.  Next, light some candles, put on some soothing music and massage the pieces.  Crush the pieces - it's ok - kale likes it a little rough.

Put the pieces in a bowl and toss with the lemon juice and vinegar.  Let it sit while you drain and rinse the beans and chop the olives and oregano.

Combine everything and adjust the flavors if necessary.

¡Holy Frijoles!

Don’t let the long list of ingredients scare you – it’s all normal stuff.  This Black Bean Soup is perfect for when you need to throw something together in a hurry but still want a hearty, healthy meal.

This recipe makes a lot of soup.  Store it in mason jars (or old pasta sauce jars) in the fridge or wait ’til it cools and store it in plastic in the freezer.  Never put hot food in plastic.  It’s gross and I wont be your friend anymore.

OK, let's do this:

Black Bean Soup
makes 8-10 servings
prep time: 5 min, cook time: 20 min

1 T sunflower or other high heat oil
1 1/2 cup onions, diced
1 heaping Tbsp ground cumin
1 T dried oregano
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 t salt
1/4 t cayenne (more or less depending on personal preference)
1/2 t fennel seeds
1/2cup carrots, diced
1/2cup celery, diced
1/2 zucchini, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 28oz can diced tomatoes (lightly drained)
4 cups vegetable stock
2 14oz cans black beans, drained, rinsed thoroughly
1/2 c chopped cilantro
1/2 c corn (frozen is fine)
1/4 c good olive oil

Heat oil in a large pot over high heat.  Add onions and cook until they’re translucent – about 3 min.
Add spices and stir to combine.

When the spices start to stick to the bottom of the pan, add the tomatoes and kind of scrape the bottom of the pot to get all the good toasty onion and spice bits off.

Add the veggie stock, carrots and celery and cover the pot.  When it begins to boil, turn the heat down to Med-high and add the zucchini, garlic.  Cover and allow the soup to gently boil until the carrots are tender, but not mushy – about 15 min.

When the carrots are tender, add the remaining ingredients (Black beans, corn, cilantro).  Allow to simmer for a couple minutes, then remove 1 or 2 cups of the soup and blend it, then stir it back into the pot.  This will thicken the soup.  If you have an immersion blender, that’s even better – run it for about 15 seconds.  If you’re using a regular blender, be careful with hot liquid…put a towel over the top.  If you have no blender, don’t stress – it will still be great, just broth-ier.

Garnish with a couple slices of avocado and a dollop of sour cream or shredded cheese.  Look at you, you sexy Soup Master!

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Look what Ana made!