Stop Buying That Shit!

It takes less than 10 minutes to make a version of apple cinnamon oatmeal from scratch.  It tastes better, it's better for you and it sure as shit looks a lot better than that sad little brown packet of instant oats and dried up apple bits.  I mean really...does this guy look like he ever had an INSTANT version of anything in mind when he started his empire?  I highly doubt it.  His hair alone obviously takes hours.

OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Cinnamon Apple Pecan Oatmeal
makes 2 servings
total time 10 min

3/4 c milk (rice, soy, cow, almond whatever)
1/4 c quick cook STEEL CUT oats - not the rolled kind you're used to.
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1/2 T butter (or coconut oil for the vegans)

1 apple cut into 1/2" cubes

1/2 t cinnamon

1 t maple syrup 

1 handful chopped pecans

Bring the milk to a simmer and add oats.  Cover and stir occasionally 8-9 min.

While the oats are cooking, heat the butter in a small skillet.  Add apples, cinnamon and syrup.  Let the mixture simmer until the oats are done.  Add the pecans just before serving so they don't burn.   You are amazing.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Blueberry Muffins

These are SO. GOOD.

I did the math.  It breaks down to 1 T sugar per muffin.  Not exactly healthy, but much better than other muffin recipes.  Besides, these muffins are for the weekend.  Health takes a break on the weekend in our house.  Wine consumption, however, never sleeps.

OK, let's do this:

Blueberry Muffins
adapted from Smitten Kitchen
makes 12 muffin
total time 35 min


5 T unsalted butter , softened
2/3 c sugar
1 large egg
3/4 c full fat plain yogurt
1 T lemon zest
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1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 c blueberries, fresh or frozen (if frozen, simply rinse off any ice)

Preheat oven to 375ºF.  Line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners.

Combine butter and sugar in your little food processor and run until fluffy.  Add egg, then yogurt and lemon.  Transfer to a mixing bowl.

Combine dry ingredients with a sifter or whisk.  Slowly mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients.

 Fill muffin tins 3/4 of the way.  Bake for 25 min.  Enjoy with butter and coffee.

Gee Your Pee Smells Terrific!

Asparagus is one of my favorite veggies in the whole world.  It only takes a few minutes to make.  Plus it makes your pee smell which can be a great party trick or conversation starter.

OK, let's do this:

Poached eggs over asparagus
total time 10 min

1 t white vinegar
1 T olive oil
1 handful asparagus, woody ends trimmed
salt, to taste
bread for toast
1 egg
1 T parmesan cheese, shredded

Bring a pot of water plus 1 teaspoon of plain vinegar to a boil.

Heat the oil in a pan and add asparagus.  Cook, stirring frequently, until tender (about 4 min).  Add salt to taste.

While asparagus is cooking, make toast and poach the egg.

To poach an egg, simply turn the heat on the water down so that it's still boiling, but not a big, crazy rolling boil.  Crack an egg into a ladle.  Stir the water with a spoon so it spins around like a toilet flushing.   Drop in the egg while the water is spinning.  Now leave it alone.  Cook for 3-4 min.

Remove the egg with a slotted spoon and place on top of the asparagus.  Sprinkle with a little shredded parmesan or asiago cheese and serve with toast.

Was Your New Year's Resolution to Eat More Potatoes?

It was??!!  Awesome!  I've got you covered.

This is my dad's recipe for Dirty Potatoes.

They only look dirty - unless, I suppose, you cook them in the nude or something, you filthy animal, you.

OK, let's do this:

Jerry's Dirty Potatoes
total time 15 min

12 new potatoes, skin on
1/3-1/2 stick butter or 1/4 c olive oil, your choice
1/2 onion, diced
2-3 T of some kind of dried spice blend, like a grilling blend or Trader Joe's 21 Seasoning Salute
salt and pepper, to taste

Bring a big pot of water to a boil.  Cut the potatoes into bite-size chunks and boil until fork tender (6-10 min).

Meanwhile, heat the butter or oil in a pan and saute the onion.  Drain the potatoes and add them to the pan.  Sprinkle the seasoning throughout until all the potatoes look dirty.  Stick to your resolution!

Breakfast Bribery

Huevos Rancheros is the husband's favorite, so I make it whenever I have a few extra minutes in the morning - or whenever I want to talk him into getting a new couch.

OK, let's do this:

Huevos Rancheros
makes enough sauce for 3 servings
total time 20 min

3 T oil
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 T oregano
1 t cumin
1/8 t cayenne
14 oz can diced tomatoes, drained a little
1 14 oz can black beans, drained & rinsed
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tortillas (I use whole wheat flour, but corn is good too)
eggs, cooked how you like 'em (I do over medium)
handful shredded jack and cheddar cheese
handful chopped cilantro
sour cream

Heat 1 T oil in a pot and fry the onions for 3 minutes.  Add the spices and cook for anther minute. Add the tomatoes and black beans and bring to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer.

Heat 1 T oil in a large pan.  Toast the tortilla for a couple minutes on each side.

While the tortillas are toasting, make the eggs how you like them.

Place the eggs on the tortillas, then top with black bean mixture, cheese, cilantro and sour cream.

Serve with a sharp knife - the tortillas can be difficult to cut, plus the knife comes in handy when bargaining for that new couch.

The Good Breakfast

eIt's the Meryl Streep of breakfasts.  It's just better than all the other breakfasts.  Even if you don't like breakfast, you can't deny that this one is simply better and more respected than other breakfasts.  Young side dishes are chomping at the bit for a chance to be on your plate next to this breakfast.

OK, let's do this:

The Good Breakfast
makes 2 servings
total time 10 minutes

4 slices ciabatta or 2 English muffins
butter
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Topping:
1/2 c chopped tomato
small handful chopped basil
1/4 c chopped onion
salt & pepper, to taste
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4 eggs cooked however you want them
1/4 cup asiago cheese, shredded
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4 T Stupid Easy Pesto Sauce

Toast and butter the ciabatta/muffins.  While it's toasting, combine the topping ingredients and set aside.

Next cook your eggs however you like them (I do mine over medium) and place the eggs on top of the toast.  Sprinkle cheese on the eggs.  Add a couple dollops of pesto and then the tomato topping.  Serve with the green beans I told you about.  Enjoy and watch the Oscars come pouring in.