Gee Your Pee Smells Terrific!

Asparagus is one of my favorite veggies in the whole world.  It only takes a few minutes to make.  Plus it makes your pee smell which can be a great party trick or conversation starter.

OK, let's do this:

Poached eggs over asparagus
total time 10 min

1 t white vinegar
1 T olive oil
1 handful asparagus, woody ends trimmed
salt, to taste
bread for toast
1 egg
1 T parmesan cheese, shredded

Bring a pot of water plus 1 teaspoon of plain vinegar to a boil.

Heat the oil in a pan and add asparagus.  Cook, stirring frequently, until tender (about 4 min).  Add salt to taste.

While asparagus is cooking, make toast and poach the egg.

To poach an egg, simply turn the heat on the water down so that it's still boiling, but not a big, crazy rolling boil.  Crack an egg into a ladle.  Stir the water with a spoon so it spins around like a toilet flushing.   Drop in the egg while the water is spinning.  Now leave it alone.  Cook for 3-4 min.

Remove the egg with a slotted spoon and place on top of the asparagus.  Sprinkle with a little shredded parmesan or asiago cheese and serve with toast.

Stupid Easy, Now With 20% More Adorableness!

Just when you were thinking to yourself, "Could this blog possibly get any more darling?!" I throw a picture of my dog in the mix. 

We ran out of fancy food for the dog so I decided to make her a fancy dinner myself.  High quality dog food is best, but a home cooked meal for the pooch every once in a while is A-OK.

OK, let's do this

Once in a Blue Moon Dog Food
makes 1 serving for my 42lb terrier mix
total time 4 min


1 T olive oil
1 small handful frozen peas
1 small handful carrots, chopped
1 egg
2 t flax seed meal

Combine all ingredients in a pan and cook until egg is done.  ALLOW TO COOL BEFORE SERVING.  You are so talented - even your dog thinks so.

Breakfast Bribery

Huevos Rancheros is the husband's favorite, so I make it whenever I have a few extra minutes in the morning - or whenever I want to talk him into getting a new couch.

OK, let's do this:

Huevos Rancheros
makes enough sauce for 3 servings
total time 20 min

3 T oil
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 T oregano
1 t cumin
1/8 t cayenne
14 oz can diced tomatoes, drained a little
1 14 oz can black beans, drained & rinsed
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tortillas (I use whole wheat flour, but corn is good too)
eggs, cooked how you like 'em (I do over medium)
handful shredded jack and cheddar cheese
handful chopped cilantro
sour cream

Heat 1 T oil in a pot and fry the onions for 3 minutes.  Add the spices and cook for anther minute. Add the tomatoes and black beans and bring to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer.

Heat 1 T oil in a large pan.  Toast the tortilla for a couple minutes on each side.

While the tortillas are toasting, make the eggs how you like them.

Place the eggs on the tortillas, then top with black bean mixture, cheese, cilantro and sour cream.

Serve with a sharp knife - the tortillas can be difficult to cut, plus the knife comes in handy when bargaining for that new couch.

The Good Breakfast

eIt's the Meryl Streep of breakfasts.  It's just better than all the other breakfasts.  Even if you don't like breakfast, you can't deny that this one is simply better and more respected than other breakfasts.  Young side dishes are chomping at the bit for a chance to be on your plate next to this breakfast.

OK, let's do this:

The Good Breakfast
makes 2 servings
total time 10 minutes

4 slices ciabatta or 2 English muffins
butter
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Topping:
1/2 c chopped tomato
small handful chopped basil
1/4 c chopped onion
salt & pepper, to taste
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4 eggs cooked however you want them
1/4 cup asiago cheese, shredded
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4 T Stupid Easy Pesto Sauce

Toast and butter the ciabatta/muffins.  While it's toasting, combine the topping ingredients and set aside.

Next cook your eggs however you like them (I do mine over medium) and place the eggs on top of the toast.  Sprinkle cheese on the eggs.  Add a couple dollops of pesto and then the tomato topping.  Serve with the green beans I told you about.  Enjoy and watch the Oscars come pouring in.

Curry Deviled Eggs

Must...fight...urge...to...make...smelly jokes!

Seriously though, this dish is a simple yet impressive twist on a real crowd pleaser.

OK, let's do this:

Curry Deviled Eggs
Makes 24 pieces
Hands on time 10 min, total time 25 min

12 eggs
1/2 cup mayo
2 T mustard
1 T shallots, minced small
3 T celery, minced small
2 T pickle, minced small or pickle relish
1/4 t cayenne
1/2 T curry powder
salt and pepper, to taste

1 zip-loc baggie

Boil the eggs for 12 minutes, then set in a bowl of ice water. Once cooled, peel the eggs and slice lengthwise.

Pop the yolks into a bowl and combine with remaining ingredients.  Use a fork to mash it up really, really well - it should be smooth.  Ideally you should put it in your fabulous little food processor.  What?!  You didn't buy it yet?!  That's just insane.

Take the plastic baggie and cut a teensie piece of the corner off.  Congratulations!  You just made a pastry bag!  Fill the bag with the yolk mixture and gently squeeze it into the egg white halves.

Wanna Make it FANCY?!

If you take nothing else from this blog, remember this:

ARUGULA ALWAYS MAKES IT FANCY.

Place a few arugula leaves on a plate.  Put the deviled egg on the arugula.  Drizzle with a little olive oil and sprinkle with paprika.  If you get any fancier you'll have to start cooking with elbow length black satin gloves.  Even you, Jamil.

Thinking of taking these to a Thanksgiving potluck?  Here's a trick:
Stick a short glass or bowl over one of the eggs to keep plastic wrap from sticking to the other eggs.

Jay and Lynn Quiche

I always keep an emergency quiche in the house.  It's easy, delicious and you never know when you'll have a house full of tipsy, possibly stoned people that raid your kitchen and bitch because all you have is canned beans and mustard.

Now if you're one of those people, feel free to make your own pie dough, but know that you're wasting precious time that could be spent eating quiche and/or pie.  Trader Joe's and Whole Foods Market both make excellent frozen pie doughs that contain no preservatives.  Whole Foods even has organic and whole wheat options.

Jay and Lynn Quiche with broccolini and arugula covered in Kick Ass Dijon Dressing

OK, let's do this:

Jay and Lynn Quiche
Makes 8 servings unless you are Jay and Lynn, then it makes 2 giant servings.
Prep time: 8 min, Bake time 40 min



1 frozen pie dough, thawed in the fridge overnight or on the counter away from the dog for about and hour.
2 T olive oil
1/2 large red onion, diced (go ahead and chop the whole thing - you'll probably use it later) 
4 big handfuls of baby spinach
5 large eggs
1/3 cup mayonnaise (trust me on this)
2/3 cup shredded asiago cheese
handful of chives, chopped

salt and pepper, to taste

Heat a pan over med/high heat; add oil.

Drop one piece of onion in - if it sizzles, add the onion and cook 'til they brown.

Add the spinach and cook til it's dark green and wilty.

Remove from heat and drain by placing the mixture in a colander and pressing with a spatula.

Once the spinach has cooled for just a couple minutes, combine it with all the other filling ingredients and whisk with a fork for a minute.

Pour filling into the pie shell and use the whisking fork to stab the bottom of the pie shell a few times.

Bake at 375ºF for 40 minutes or until golden brown and not jiggly in the middle.

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Real life application:

Look what Lisa P. made!

"Made Lanie's stupid easy quiche for din! Sooooooo gooooood"