A Massage with a Happy Ending You Can Be Proud Of

I've figured out what's wrong with the world:

Iceberg lettuce gets a bin at the salad bar while the super food kale is used as decoration.  It's backwards and sad just like the fact that Teresa from Real Housewives of NJ has, like, 17 horrible children and Bethenny only has 1.  Bethenny is so much better, and so is kale.

Kale packs more of a nutritional punch when it's raw, but trying to eat it just like lettuce is torture.  It's a bit much.  You've got to massage it a bit.

OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Massaged Kale Salad
makes 6 servings
total time 10 min


1 bunch kale, rinsed and patted dry with paper towels, stems removed
1 can chickpeas, rinsed
1 can red kidney beans, rinsed
1 can white kidney beans, rinsed
juice of 1 lemon
1 T red wine vinegar
1 T olive oil
12 black olives, pitted, chopped
1 handful oregano, chopped

After you've washed and dried the kale, tear it into really little pieces with you hands.  Next, light some candles, put on some soothing music and massage the pieces.  Crush the pieces - it's ok - kale likes it a little rough.

Put the pieces in a bowl and toss with the lemon juice and vinegar.  Let it sit while you drain and rinse the beans and chop the olives and oregano.

Combine everything and adjust the flavors if necessary.

Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weenie, Little Dollop of Tahini

Now that you've undoubtedly ordered and received your Christmas present to yourself, let's break that bad boy in!
We're going to kick that addiction to store-bought hummus. You're better than that - or you will be in about 5 minutes.

OK, let's do this:

"Suck it, Sabra" Hummus
Makes 6 servings
Total time: 5 min

1 large clove of garlic
1 14oz can of garbanzo beans (same thing as chickpeas), drained, rinsed
Juice from 1 or 2 lemons
2 T water
1 1/2 T tahini
2 t ground cumin
1/4 t cayenne
1/4-1/3 c olive oil
salt, to taste


Combine all ingredients in your new food processor and process until smooth.

Too thick? Add more lemon juice, water or oil.

Too thin? Add a little more tahini

Put the hummus in a bowl and top with a little olive oil and cayenne. Serve with raw veggies and whole wheat pita.