Weekend Calorie Splurge: Indoor S'mores

Q: What's worse than not having a fireplace?

A: Camping.

Here's how to make S'mores in the comfort of your own kitchen.

OK, let's do this:

Indoor S'mores
total time 4 min

graham crackers
parchment paper
Marshmallow Fluff (no gelatin)
thin chocolate bar

Set the oven to Broil.


Place the graham crackers on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.  Add some chocolate to half of the crackers and a smear of Fluff to the other half.

  

 

  Place the baking sheet ON THE LOWEST RACK of the oven and broil for about a minute or until the Fluff is a little brown.

 

Now, would you like the merit badge that says "stupid" or "easy"? 

Change your life for less than $100

Tong to-ton-ton TONGS!

Not only do they make you look like you know what you're doing, tongs prevent annoying burns caused by grabbing things out of a hot skillet with your bare hands.  They're more secure than a spatula and are great for retrieving stuff from the back of the oven, like the piece of pizza you put in there "for a minute," and forgot about and then it caught fire and you had to throw baking soda all over the whole freaking oven to put out the fire.  Hypothetically.

Faberware tongs - $12.34 + shipping, Amazon.com

The Good Breakfast

eIt's the Meryl Streep of breakfasts.  It's just better than all the other breakfasts.  Even if you don't like breakfast, you can't deny that this one is simply better and more respected than other breakfasts.  Young side dishes are chomping at the bit for a chance to be on your plate next to this breakfast.

OK, let's do this:

The Good Breakfast
makes 2 servings
total time 10 minutes

4 slices ciabatta or 2 English muffins
butter
-------
Topping:
1/2 c chopped tomato
small handful chopped basil
1/4 c chopped onion
salt & pepper, to taste
------
4 eggs cooked however you want them
1/4 cup asiago cheese, shredded
------
4 T Stupid Easy Pesto Sauce

Toast and butter the ciabatta/muffins.  While it's toasting, combine the topping ingredients and set aside.

Next cook your eggs however you like them (I do mine over medium) and place the eggs on top of the toast.  Sprinkle cheese on the eggs.  Add a couple dollops of pesto and then the tomato topping.  Serve with the green beans I told you about.  Enjoy and watch the Oscars come pouring in.

Presto, Pesto!

I've still been able to find great basil at the farmers' market, so I'm stocking up on pesto before it's too late. 

If you live somewhere where the weather is already shitty and cold and there's no basil in sight, then I think now might be the perfect time to book that Southern California vacation you've always been dreaming of.  Tell your boss I said it's ok.


OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Pesto Sauce
makes 1 1/2ish cups
total time 5 minutes

Big, fat bunch of basil - like, 4 cups or so
1/2 c shredded asiago cheese
3 cloves garlic
1/4 c pine nuts (optional)
salt, to taste
1/2 ish cup olive oil

Combine all ingredients except oil in a food processor and run until everything's combined.  Add olive oil slowly until desired texture is reached.

I don't use the pine nuts because I think they taste like fart, but that's just me.

Pesto freezes beautifully - you could even freeze it in 2 tablespoon increments in an ice cube tray......genius.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Indian Spiced Brownies

This recipe calls for two eggs, so the way I see it is one pan equals part of a complete breakfast.

OK, let's do this:

Indian Spiced Brownies
makes 12 brownies
prep time 10 min, bake time 45 min


1 stick (8 T) butter, very soft but not liquid - best to leave it out on the counter for a few hours
1 T butter for greasing the pan
1/2 c packed brown sugar
1 c white sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
2 t vanilla
3/4 c all purpose flour
2/3 c cocoa powder
pinch salt
1/2 t garam masala
1/4 t ground ginger
1/4 t cayenne pepper

Preheat the oven to 350º F. Grease a baking pan.

In a large bowl, beat butter and sugar until smooth-ish, then add eggs and vanilla.  Slowly beat in remaining ingredients and combine thoroughly.   Bake in a greased pan for 45 min or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean.  Allow to cool before slicing.

Remember that time I said we were only going to eat salad this week?  I totally lied.

Dear Lanie J-

Your recipes ARE stupid easy, but I can't help but think that there HAS to be a way to make them even easier.  Any tips on cutting out some of the tedious stuff?

Yours,
Speed Demon

--------------------------

Dear SD-

I'm assuming that you already bought yourself the little food processor we talked about a while back.

So here's what you do to save a step and some dish washing the next time you cook:

Set aside a little window if time and a large glass of wine.  Get a few heads of garlic and take the skins off.  The fastest way to get the papery skin off a garlic clove is to smash it by setting your knife flat on it and banging it with your hand.

Once you've accumulated a zillion or so cloves, run them through your food processor.  Scoop out little, clove-sized spoonfuls into an ice cube tray, cover with plastic and pop it in the freezer.  Now you'll have minced garlic ready to go whenever you need it!  This same technique works well with peeled and minced ginger, left over tomato paste, canned chipotles, etc.  The important thing is to use a consistent form of measurement - one cube = 2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 T ginger, 1/2 T tomato paste or whatever.......you get the idea.

If you still haven't gotten your food processor, you can do this same thing mincing by hand, but it will take 4 times as long, so you'll probably need four glasses of wine.

Hope this helps!

Stay easy,

Lanie J

Email your cooking questions to CookStupidEasy@gmail.com

Change your life for less than $100

If you're anything like the old me, you hate scrubbing roasted-on oil from a baking sheet.  So you don't.  Ever.  You just use a baking sheet until the burnt, black surface area is greater than the silver parts, and you run out of ways to arrange things so your cookies don't taste like burnt eggplant and your squash doesn't taste like burnt pizza.  Then you throw it away, buy a new one and start the whole, horrible cycle all over again.

Parchment paper from If You Care - photo from ifyoucare.com

Like I said, that was the old me.  Now I'm hip to parchment paper, and you should be too.  It's only about $6 at Whole Foods.