Stop Buying That Shit!

If you spend about 15 minutes you can make your own go-anywhere snack bars that are chock-full of great vitamins and minerals and happy fats.


Where will you take them?  To the gym?  to the movies?  to your plastic surgery consultation to buy a better rack?  Like I said, they go anywhere!

OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Energy Bars
makes 10 bars
total time 15 min


1 lb medjool dates, pits removed
1 handful dried berries
5 handfuls of nuts and seeds of your choice, I used:
walnuts
cashews
slivered almonds
pistachios
pumpkin seeds
dried cranderries
2 oz. dark chocolate

Make sure all the pits are removed from the dates and run them in a food processor.  This will take a few sessions as dates have a tendency to glob up.  If you don't have a food processor chop them up over and over and over until they form a big sticky blob.  It will take a while if you do it by hand.  Just keep going.

For larger nuts (hee hee), I've found it's better to run them in a food processor until they resemble coarse sand.  That's what I did for the cashews and walnuts (bottom left).  If you don't have a food processor, put them in a heavy duty plastic bag and smash them with a hammer.  Seriously.

Next, melt the chocolate by placing it in a heat proof bowl.  Place the bowl in a pot with a small amount of boiling water making sure not to let the water get into the bowl of chocolate.

Now mix all the nuts together in a big bowl.  Cut the blob of dates into 4 parts and place it in the bowl of nuts and seeds.  Use your hands to mush the nuts into the dates.  Add more nuts if it seems like there's enough sticky date surface area.  You know when you've reached Maximum Nut Capacity when they stop sticking.

Mash the whole mess out flat on a baking sheet lined with wax paper.  Now you can cut them into whatever shape you want.  Drizzle with the melted chocolate and refrigerate.  Once they're cool, store them in the fridge in an air tight container.

How to Win Friends & Influence People:

Grill fruit.

Seriously, that's all it takes.  Well, that and a nice rack.
 

OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Grilled Apricot Hors d'oeuvre
makes about 20 pieces
total time 20 min

4 apricots, ripe, but not too ripe
fresh mozzarella
2 slices of red onion (don't separate the rings)
1 T olive oil
3 T balsamic vinegar, reduced
 salt, pepper
large basil leaves

Fire up the grill to med/high. Don't have a grill?  Use a frying pan - you just wont get the grill marks.

Slice the apricots and onion and toss in the olive oil, salt and pepper.  Set aside.

 

Reduce the vinegar over medium heat (about 4 min).

Grill the apricots and onions for about 3 minutes on each side, or until they get the pretty grill marks.  Remove from heat.

Cut the grilled onion into smaller pieces and separate the rings so that you have approximately 2 inch long pieces.

Place a piece of onion on the basil leaf, then a piece of fresh mozzarella, then the apricot, then drizzle with the balsamic reduction.

 

Oh Snap!

Spring has sprung in a big way here in LA LA land.  April showers (and, well, April) are over.  Birds are singing, sun is shining and the farmers' markets are exploding with sugar snap peas.  Additionally, sangria is flowing, horrible chain restaurants are overflowing with prom dates and Real Housewives of New Jersey starts in just two short weeks.  All is right with the world.

OK let's do this:

Stupid Easy Sugar Snap Pea Salad
total time 10 min
makes 4-6 servings

For the sauce:
1 t safflower oil
1/2 sweet onion, diced
1 T ginger, minced
2/3 c coconut milk
medium bunch of cilantro, stems and leaves roughly chopped
1 or 2 t green curry paste
zest and juice from 1 lime
salt, to taste
---------------------------------
1 cup sweet corn kernels 
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 lb sugar snap peas, blanched for 1 min

Heat oil in a large sauce pan over medium heat.  Brown the onions, then add the rest of the sauce ingredients.  Simmer for 2 minutes, then remove from heat.

Blanch the sugar snap peas (boil for 1 minute, then run under cool water).

Once the sauce has cooled for a few minutes, puree it in your little food processor.

Add the sauce back to the pan over med heat.  Add the corn and pepper and simmer until the peppers are tender (about 3 minutes).

Meanwhile, slice the peas on a diagonal and stir in to the sauce.  Serve warm or cold.

Spring Break!

Hi darlings!  It's Spring Break time, and guess where I'm headed......here's a clue:

TOTALLY not me.  My bikini was black.

That's right.  Florida.

I'm going to see my dad, Jerry.  When he's not too busy kicking cancer's ass, he works in his amazing garden.  I'll post some recipes straight from the garden next week.  In the meantime, here's a recipe from my dad:

Worth the Garlic Breath

Just made up a really delicious mock Caesar salad.  Why "mock"?  Because I left out the anchovies.  Why leave out the anchovies?  Because hairy, greasy fish just ain't my thang.

OK, let's do this:

Fishless Caesar
total time 5 min


for the dressing:
1/4 c mayo
2 t mustard
3 cloves garlic, minced
juice from 1 lemon
1 t soy sauce
cracked black pepper
---------------------------
Romaine lettuce, chopped
these croutons
handful of parmesan cheese, shredded

Combine the dressing ingredients and toss over lettuce and croutons.  Sprinkle with cheese.  (Were these instructions necessary?.....)

I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours.

Put your underwear back on, weird-o.

I went downstairs to the farmers' market today.  Is there a farmers' market where you live?  What do you buy?

Send pictures to CookStupidEasy@gmail.com - tell me where you're from and what's in season where you are!

Fresh mint, oregano, basil, thai broccoli, thai basil, zucchini, straw flowers and carnations

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Blueberry Muffins

These are SO. GOOD.

I did the math.  It breaks down to 1 T sugar per muffin.  Not exactly healthy, but much better than other muffin recipes.  Besides, these muffins are for the weekend.  Health takes a break on the weekend in our house.  Wine consumption, however, never sleeps.

OK, let's do this:

Blueberry Muffins
adapted from Smitten Kitchen
makes 12 muffin
total time 35 min


5 T unsalted butter , softened
2/3 c sugar
1 large egg
3/4 c full fat plain yogurt
1 T lemon zest
----------------------------------
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 c blueberries, fresh or frozen (if frozen, simply rinse off any ice)

Preheat oven to 375ºF.  Line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners.

Combine butter and sugar in your little food processor and run until fluffy.  Add egg, then yogurt and lemon.  Transfer to a mixing bowl.

Combine dry ingredients with a sifter or whisk.  Slowly mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients.

 Fill muffin tins 3/4 of the way.  Bake for 25 min.  Enjoy with butter and coffee.