Jonesing

I feel like it's been ages since I've eaten anything wrapped in pie dough.  That is simply unacceptable.  I really need something in pie dough.  Well, I mean, I don't need it... I could quit eating it any time I wanted.  Really.

Basically, veggie pot pie is one pie dough filled with veggies in a sort of gravy-type stuff, then covered with another pie dough.  The gravy-type stuff will develop from the half and half, butter and potatoes mixing.  You can use any veggies that taste good to you.  Stuff that cooks really quickly (like zucchini and broccoli) can be cooked separately then added into the mixture right before baking.  Below is just the way I do it - pick out whatever veggies you like or have on hand - they just have to be a little tender before you bake them.

OK let's do this:

Veggie Pot Pie
makes a 9" pot pie
hands on time 30 min, bake time 45min

2 prepared pie crusts, thawed
2 russet potatoes, 1/2″ dice, skin on
1/2 stick butter, give or take
1/2 red onion, diced
1 c mushrooms, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks celery, diced
2 carrots, diced
1/2 c peas, fresh or frozen & thawed
1 T dried thyme
1 T fresh rosemary, chopped
Salt and pepper, to taste
 -------------------------
1/2 c zucchini
1 c broccoli
1/2 c -ish half and half
 -------------------------
One egg, beaten


Preheat oven to 375ºF
Boil potatoes for about 6 minutes or until slightly firmer than you’d want if you were to eat them right away.

Heat 2 T butter in a large skillet.  Saute onions 3 min.  Add carrots, mushrooms, garlic, celery, peas and saute until carrots are tender.  Add thyme, rosemary, salt and pepper.  Turn off heat.

Boil broccoli and zucchini for EXACTLY 90 seconds.  Add broccoli mixture to the carrot mixture.
Add half and half and remaining butter.  Stir until butter is melted.  Adjust seasoning.


Place one pie shell in a pie pan and puncture with a fork a few times.  Pour in filling

Add the top pie shell and cut slits (or an adorable message) into the top to allow steam to escape.  Wash the top with a beaten egg.  Bake approx 35-40 minutes until top is golden.

Black Olive Tapenade

This tapenade is so ridiculously easy, but it seems fancy enough to turn an evening of playing spades in your living room into a sophisticated soiree.  Just the act sitting next to a bowl of beautiful tapenade can make your husband's idiot friends seem like perfect gentlemen who would never dream repeatedly leave the toilet seat up in your bathroom.....you know who you are.

OK, let's do this:

Black Olive Tapenade
makes about 2 cups
total time 3 minutes


1 14 oz jar of pitted black olives, rinsed
3 cloves garlic (I use Gerraro's Greek garlic available here)
1 t dried oregano
1/4 c-ish olive oil
1 t vinegar or liquid from the jar of garlic

Process everything in your little food processor.  Serve with toast.  Put the seat down.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Say "Goat Cheese!"

Here's how to turn a regular old goat cheese log into a holiday masterpiece:

Step 1:  Buy a log of goat cheese

Step 2: Roll it in a bunch of stuff*

*recommended "stuff" includes:

cranberries, pistachios, spices

NOT recommended stuff includes:

screws, dust, broken glass, cat litter

OK, let's do this:

Festive Log of Awesomeness
makes 1 log
total time 3 min


handful shelled pistachios (or pecans or walnuts or almonds)
handful dried cranberries
pinch cayenne
1/8 t cinnamon
pinch salt
1 log of goat cheese

 

Place the nuts and cranberries on a cutting board and chop into tiny bits.  Sprinkle with the spices and then roll the cheese in it, maintaining the log shape.  Serve with crackers.  Warmly accept compliments on your culinary acumen while subtly making clear that said compliments are in no way an acceptable substitute for actual holiday gifts.

Stupid Easy, Now With 20% More Adorableness!

Just when you were thinking to yourself, "Could this blog possibly get any more darling?!" I throw a picture of my dog in the mix. 

We ran out of fancy food for the dog so I decided to make her a fancy dinner myself.  High quality dog food is best, but a home cooked meal for the pooch every once in a while is A-OK.

OK, let's do this

Once in a Blue Moon Dog Food
makes 1 serving for my 42lb terrier mix
total time 4 min


1 T olive oil
1 small handful frozen peas
1 small handful carrots, chopped
1 egg
2 t flax seed meal

Combine all ingredients in a pan and cook until egg is done.  ALLOW TO COOL BEFORE SERVING.  You are so talented - even your dog thinks so.

Breakfast Bribery

Huevos Rancheros is the husband's favorite, so I make it whenever I have a few extra minutes in the morning - or whenever I want to talk him into getting a new couch.

OK, let's do this:

Huevos Rancheros
makes enough sauce for 3 servings
total time 20 min

3 T oil
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 T oregano
1 t cumin
1/8 t cayenne
14 oz can diced tomatoes, drained a little
1 14 oz can black beans, drained & rinsed
----------------------
tortillas (I use whole wheat flour, but corn is good too)
eggs, cooked how you like 'em (I do over medium)
handful shredded jack and cheddar cheese
handful chopped cilantro
sour cream

Heat 1 T oil in a pot and fry the onions for 3 minutes.  Add the spices and cook for anther minute. Add the tomatoes and black beans and bring to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer.

Heat 1 T oil in a large pan.  Toast the tortilla for a couple minutes on each side.

While the tortillas are toasting, make the eggs how you like them.

Place the eggs on the tortillas, then top with black bean mixture, cheese, cilantro and sour cream.

Serve with a sharp knife - the tortillas can be difficult to cut, plus the knife comes in handy when bargaining for that new couch.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Nutella Custard and Creme Brulee

I like a dessert that involves bourbon.  Hell, I like anything that involves bourbon.


1 c whipping cream
2 T sugar
-----------------------
2 egg yolks
1 t bourbon vanilla extract (available at Whole Foods)
1/3 c Nutella

Preheat oven to 300ºF.

Bring a pot of water to a boil.

In another pot heat the cream and 2 T sugar until tiny bubbles form around the edges.

While the cream is heating, beat the egg yolks, vanilla and Nutella.  Slowly pour in the hot cream.

Pour the mixture into 4 shallow ramekins and place the ramekins in a baking dish.  Carefully pour the boiling water into the baking dish (NOT the ramekins) until it comes about halfway up the height of the ramekin.

Cover the whole mess with foil and bake until not jiggly (about 45 minutes).  Refrigerate for 30 min.

Now you can decide if you want the crispy burnt sugar top of classic creme brulee or if you want custard with whipped topping.  I couldn't decide, so I made both.  With caramelized bananas.  So it's healthy.

 

Classic creme brulee topping:
Sprinkle a generous amount of sugar on top of the baked and chilled custard.  Burn it with your new blowtorch!

 

Caramelized bananas:
Slice some bananas, sprinkle with sugar and fry in a hot, non-stick pan.

Whipped topping:
Skip the burnt sugar part and simply whip some whipping cream with some vanilla.  You know what's better than regular vanilla?  BOURBON vanilla!  Bourbon anything is pretty much better than regular anything, no?

Dear Lanie J-

Hi Lanie J.

Someone once showed me how to make baked squash with wild rice and dried cranberries but I was mildly inebriated at the time and can't remember the recipe. Do you have any good baked squash recipes?

-Lynn



Dear Lynn-


Thanks for the email.  You have the major ingredients down: squash, wild rice, dried cranberries, inebriation, so you're doing better than you thought.


Stay easy,
Lanie J

OK, let's do this:

Stuffed Squash with Wild Rice Pilaf
makes 4
hands on time 20 min, total time 1hr


1/3 c olive oil
1/2 t cinnamon
1/4 t cayenne
1 T dried thyme
2 t dried sage
2 delicata squashes, sliced lengthwise and seeded


 -------------------
1/3 c wild rice
--------------------
1/2 onion, diced
head of Swiss Chard, stems removed
handful sliced almonds
handful dried cranberries
salt, to taste

Preheat oven to 425ºF.  Bring 2/3 c of water to a boil.

Combine oil and spices and rub a little on the flesh of each of the squash halves.  Place the squash on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake until fork tender (bout 30 min).  When they're cool enough to handle, cut in half crosswise.

Once the water is boiling, add rice, cover and reduce to a simmer.  Cook until rice is done (about 20 min).

Meanwhile, heat a large saucepan and add the remaining spiced oil.  cook the onion for about 3 minutes, then add the chard and cook until it's wilted.

Combine cooked rice, chard, almonds and cranberries.  Add salt and adjust seasoning if necessary.  Spoon the rice mixture into the  squash quarters.

Change your life for less than $100

Heh heh...FIRE!  FIRE!

photo from Amazon.com

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Peasant, Schmeasant

Just like Pabst Blue Ribbon and the Jersey Shore, the once only-for-trashy-people polenta is enjoying it's time in the lime light.


OK, let's do this:

Polizzi Polenta
hands on time 25 min, total time 1 hour

1 c ground polenta
3 c water
1/2 c shredded asiago
salt, to taste


--------------------


1 small jar of sun-dried tomatoes, drained
2 T olive oil
2 T capers
4 T Stupid Easy Pesto

Bring the water and salt to a boil in a large pot, then slowly pour in the polenta with one hand while stirring with the other hand.

Reduce heat to a low boil and stir the polenta every couple of minutes.   You'll know it's done when it's thick and peels off the side of the pot.  It'll take, like, 20 minutes.  Stir in the cheese and turn off the heat.  Pour the polenta into a baking dish and press flat.  Put it in the fridge for a bit to firm up.

While the polenta is cooking, grind up the sun-dried tomatoes and oil in the your little food processor.  Stir in the capers after you process it.

 

Heat a little oil in a pan.  Cut a slices of polenta and pan fry until the polenta is a little brown and crispy looking. 

Meanwhile, place a blob of Stupid Easy Pesto on a plate and drag the spoon through it.  Look how fancy you are!!!

Artfully arrange the fried polenta squares on the pesto and top with the sun-dried tomato sauce.  Invite over Snookie and you've got yourself dinner and a show.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Indoor S'mores

Q: What's worse than not having a fireplace?

A: Camping.

Here's how to make S'mores in the comfort of your own kitchen.

OK, let's do this:

Indoor S'mores
total time 4 min

graham crackers
parchment paper
Marshmallow Fluff (no gelatin)
thin chocolate bar

Set the oven to Broil.


Place the graham crackers on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.  Add some chocolate to half of the crackers and a smear of Fluff to the other half.

  

 

  Place the baking sheet ON THE LOWEST RACK of the oven and broil for about a minute or until the Fluff is a little brown.

 

Now, would you like the merit badge that says "stupid" or "easy"? 

Change your life for less than $100

Tong to-ton-ton TONGS!

Not only do they make you look like you know what you're doing, tongs prevent annoying burns caused by grabbing things out of a hot skillet with your bare hands.  They're more secure than a spatula and are great for retrieving stuff from the back of the oven, like the piece of pizza you put in there "for a minute," and forgot about and then it caught fire and you had to throw baking soda all over the whole freaking oven to put out the fire.  Hypothetically.

Faberware tongs - $12.34 + shipping, Amazon.com

The Good Breakfast

eIt's the Meryl Streep of breakfasts.  It's just better than all the other breakfasts.  Even if you don't like breakfast, you can't deny that this one is simply better and more respected than other breakfasts.  Young side dishes are chomping at the bit for a chance to be on your plate next to this breakfast.

OK, let's do this:

The Good Breakfast
makes 2 servings
total time 10 minutes

4 slices ciabatta or 2 English muffins
butter
-------
Topping:
1/2 c chopped tomato
small handful chopped basil
1/4 c chopped onion
salt & pepper, to taste
------
4 eggs cooked however you want them
1/4 cup asiago cheese, shredded
------
4 T Stupid Easy Pesto Sauce

Toast and butter the ciabatta/muffins.  While it's toasting, combine the topping ingredients and set aside.

Next cook your eggs however you like them (I do mine over medium) and place the eggs on top of the toast.  Sprinkle cheese on the eggs.  Add a couple dollops of pesto and then the tomato topping.  Serve with the green beans I told you about.  Enjoy and watch the Oscars come pouring in.

Presto, Pesto!

I've still been able to find great basil at the farmers' market, so I'm stocking up on pesto before it's too late. 

If you live somewhere where the weather is already shitty and cold and there's no basil in sight, then I think now might be the perfect time to book that Southern California vacation you've always been dreaming of.  Tell your boss I said it's ok.


OK, let's do this:

Stupid Easy Pesto Sauce
makes 1 1/2ish cups
total time 5 minutes

Big, fat bunch of basil - like, 4 cups or so
1/2 c shredded asiago cheese
3 cloves garlic
1/4 c pine nuts (optional)
salt, to taste
1/2 ish cup olive oil

Combine all ingredients except oil in a food processor and run until everything's combined.  Add olive oil slowly until desired texture is reached.

I don't use the pine nuts because I think they taste like fart, but that's just me.

Pesto freezes beautifully - you could even freeze it in 2 tablespoon increments in an ice cube tray......genius.

Weekend Calorie Splurge: Indian Spiced Brownies

This recipe calls for two eggs, so the way I see it is one pan equals part of a complete breakfast.

OK, let's do this:

Indian Spiced Brownies
makes 12 brownies
prep time 10 min, bake time 45 min


1 stick (8 T) butter, very soft but not liquid - best to leave it out on the counter for a few hours
1 T butter for greasing the pan
1/2 c packed brown sugar
1 c white sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
2 t vanilla
3/4 c all purpose flour
2/3 c cocoa powder
pinch salt
1/2 t garam masala
1/4 t ground ginger
1/4 t cayenne pepper

Preheat the oven to 350º F. Grease a baking pan.

In a large bowl, beat butter and sugar until smooth-ish, then add eggs and vanilla.  Slowly beat in remaining ingredients and combine thoroughly.   Bake in a greased pan for 45 min or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean.  Allow to cool before slicing.

Remember that time I said we were only going to eat salad this week?  I totally lied.

Dear Lanie J-

Your recipes ARE stupid easy, but I can't help but think that there HAS to be a way to make them even easier.  Any tips on cutting out some of the tedious stuff?

Yours,
Speed Demon

--------------------------

Dear SD-

I'm assuming that you already bought yourself the little food processor we talked about a while back.

So here's what you do to save a step and some dish washing the next time you cook:

Set aside a little window if time and a large glass of wine.  Get a few heads of garlic and take the skins off.  The fastest way to get the papery skin off a garlic clove is to smash it by setting your knife flat on it and banging it with your hand.

Once you've accumulated a zillion or so cloves, run them through your food processor.  Scoop out little, clove-sized spoonfuls into an ice cube tray, cover with plastic and pop it in the freezer.  Now you'll have minced garlic ready to go whenever you need it!  This same technique works well with peeled and minced ginger, left over tomato paste, canned chipotles, etc.  The important thing is to use a consistent form of measurement - one cube = 2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 T ginger, 1/2 T tomato paste or whatever.......you get the idea.

If you still haven't gotten your food processor, you can do this same thing mincing by hand, but it will take 4 times as long, so you'll probably need four glasses of wine.

Hope this helps!

Stay easy,

Lanie J

Email your cooking questions to CookStupidEasy@gmail.com

Change your life for less than $100

If you're anything like the old me, you hate scrubbing roasted-on oil from a baking sheet.  So you don't.  Ever.  You just use a baking sheet until the burnt, black surface area is greater than the silver parts, and you run out of ways to arrange things so your cookies don't taste like burnt eggplant and your squash doesn't taste like burnt pizza.  Then you throw it away, buy a new one and start the whole, horrible cycle all over again.

Parchment paper from If You Care - photo from ifyoucare.com

Like I said, that was the old me.  Now I'm hip to parchment paper, and you should be too.  It's only about $6 at Whole Foods.