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Tong to-ton-ton TONGS!

Not only do they make you look like you know what you're doing, tongs prevent annoying burns caused by grabbing things out of a hot skillet with your bare hands.  They're more secure than a spatula and are great for retrieving stuff from the back of the oven, like the piece of pizza you put in there "for a minute," and forgot about and then it caught fire and you had to throw baking soda all over the whole freaking oven to put out the fire.  Hypothetically.

Faberware tongs - $12.34 + shipping, Amazon.com